My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
