Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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