it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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