i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
