The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Randomize
