Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
