Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Randomize
