thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Randomize
