I got chris browned last night
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
