I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize