He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
