I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
