He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
