Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
there is puke in my bra ... again
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