thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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