"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
