went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
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