I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
