i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
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