I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
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