this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
