who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
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