Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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