It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
You ruined the universe
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
