Already got asked if we're dating
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
