It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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