I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
