are you still at the devil's house?
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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