His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
