he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
A bitchslap is in order.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize