paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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