i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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