I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Randomize
