pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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