I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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