There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
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