That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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