yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
