new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
