1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
you guys were way drunker than both of me
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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