we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
