Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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