I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
