Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Randomize
