Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
