she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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