in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
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