it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
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