all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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