Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
