This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
