I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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