At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Randomize
