something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
