just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
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