I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
