yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
