My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
