I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Randomize
