i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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