They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
