U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
