Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
It's no shave November. This is our time.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
