Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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