What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize