To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
