I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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