ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
My breath smells like gin and sadness
So apparently I’m into choking now
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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