i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Randomize
