Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
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